The Aerie

I don't blog for you

A helpful troll came by tonight - probably on the heels of a comment I made on the Huffington Post - to remind me that my blog is out here and awaiting further entries.

I'm still without work, although I have mentally moved from "on the shelf" to "unemployed," although there is still an outside chance that I'll get called back to the last workplace.

Meanwhile I'm working on some other possibilities and trying to maintain a positive attitude, despite being called some kind of loser by a very cool, very suave fellow who posted with a fake AOL e-mail address until I pointed out his IP was from Comcast, whereupon he switched to a fake Comcast address. Now THAT'S integrity worthy of Mark McGwire!

One of his comments, which really, really cut me to the quick, was that "nobody is reading" this blog. Now, I know that's not strictly true since my comments are sequentially numbered so I know how many have been posted, but I also know that it's Richard and Carrie and a couple of other die-hards subscribed to my RSS feed who are my primary readers now that my mother has died.

But the fact is, I don't post for people to read me. If I did that, I'd certainly post more often, and post higher quality content. No, I post for ME, because (as I said in an early post someplace ten years ago) this is as close as I'm ever going to get to a diary. Sure, I like when people read my entries, but that's frosting on the cake. The fact is, this is an online diary for me first and foremost.

And it's very valuable. Reading old entries, there is much that I have forgotten from merely ten years ago. Slices of daily life - my OWN daily life - that would never be called to mind again if I hadn't blogged them. And then of course there are my posts about Steve, Joe, my dad, Ralph, and Karen, those who have died. I go back from time to time and read those, or even forward them to people who knew them.

So thanks for the comments, fake-AOL-Comcast-commenting-troll-dude, but in fact I know that I'm shouting into the abyss. We're ALL shouting into the abyss. It's the human condition.

Now if you have any more comments to make, make them quick, or they'll have to wait til tomorrow morning 'cause I'm going to bed. And I don't want to wake up to two dozen "Oh, decided to not post my comments now, huh?" style entries waiting in the comment queue. If you've ever had to delete hundreds of viagra comments from your blog, you'll understand why I approve each one manually.