The Aerie

Magical Mystery Tour

So as I mentioned, we saw the anti-abortion plane on my way up to my mother's 70th birthday. My first thought was "Man do these guys have a ton of money." I have a lot of things I believe in: I which I could fly an airplane over the city in order to persuade the public of my views. Just imagine what the money for that plane could have done to feed starving children...

At my sister's I was surprised to discover that the festivities began with a Catholic mass - apparently this was on the invitation, which I never saw. Yet another Catholic mass with my family, well, that's tolerable. We've frequently had Catholic masses in various homes, in part because my aunt the onetime nun has friends who are priests. Invite a priest to a party, and a mass breaks out every time!

But this time my atheist-Unitarian kids were impressed into service...

Maybe "impressed" is the wrong word, because they certainly weren't. Two of them will be fifteen in about a month, and the other one is eleven. This is not an age range that enjoys standing up in front of standing up in front of agéd relatives as part of an unfamiliar religious service. Unfortunately there was no time to discuss the process, and I was forced to fall back on "Just do it and we'll talk about it later" in a tone that brooks no disagreement.

In my sister's defense, she was up to her ears. Apparently she took a full week of vacation to organize this party, and as push was coming to shove she was running in circles getting everything ready. And of course, it's a sweet sentiment, having her grandchildren read blessings for their grandmother.

But on the other hand, a surprise party is not the ideal setting in which to couch a Catholic Mass, because of the really strong emphasis on being there at the beginning. Part of the fun for the guests is the "surprise" moment, but when you send an invitation that includes Catholic Mass, then your non-Catholic guests have to choose between the "surprise" and standing around for an hour in somebody else's religious service. Some other kind of party, you could start with Mass and guests from other faiths would be free to show up an hour late.

Anyway the kids read their blessings and gave their yellow roses to their grandma and it was very sweet. The priest managed to somehow pass around two goblets of wine and a palate of wafers without anything being spilled. Then something weird happened.

Now, when I was a kid in Catholic school and church, we stood, we knelt, and we sat. That was it. Somewhere when I was a teen they came up with this newfangled "sign of peace" where we shook hands with everybody around us: that was outrageous enough! Eventually it started turning into the "kiss of peace" which was right over the top.

Now on my occasional involuntary Catholic mass attendances, including the one last weekend, people are waving their hands all over the place. Sometimes they hold their arms out, forward and low, palms up, as if everyone were holding giant invisible God-reflectors for even holy tanning. Sometimes arms are held overhead as if God were about to jump into a giant mosh pit. But this service was the first time I ever saw everybody point their hands at someone, my Mother in this case, as if beaming holy-rays at her.

I was raised by nuns with rulers at ready to still any hands that might stray towards one's nose during service: Sister Maureen Judge would have snapped her ruler in half during this crazy Sunday service. The priest called for blessings for my mother, and suddenly it was like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Okay, it wasn't THAT bad - people did not screech bug-eyed and open-mouthed. But they held out their hands, open, palm down, and some closed their eyes as if concentrating really hard on the holy rays would intensify them.

That struck me as a little creepy, and that's from within the cultural context of my Catholic upbringing, not speaking as an atheist.

The surprise party was a big success, and everyone loved the audiovisual presentation my daughter helped me put together. But the combination of anti-abortion airplanes, followed by surprise masses featuring magical mystical juju just made me feel like I'd fallen down a rabbit hole...

Posted by Albatross at June 30, 2006 1:43 PM | TrackBack