The Aerie
Well I got my acceptance letter from the University's College of Continuing Education, so now I have about a month to decide if I actually want to resume college and finish my degree.
It's a hard choice. On the one hand it would be good to have my degree, because realistically if I'm going to try to move up the career ladder into management it will be needed.
On the other hand, I've been doing this for thirty years now, and maybe I want to do something else. Granted I've got seven more years till all the kids are out of the house, and eleven or twelve until they're all through college (or at least, until I no longer feel any responsibility for helping them through college!) Realistically I'm going to need to keep working in the soul-parching confines of the technology field for that time.
On the third hand, if I go to school will I be able to write any of the books I'm working on? I'm really interested in getting one or more of these stupid things finished. I'd really like to move from the world of the cubicle-gopher to something more creative and fulfilling.
On the fourth hand, what kind of example am I setting if I don't face the challenge? My kids are going to be heading off to college, and I've already told my daughter that a girl who gets straight A's has no business trying to back out of an advanced history course. So should I back down from resuming my college education?
On the fifth hand I hated college. I have all these unreasolved issues around whether or not I have a learning disability or if I'm just a lousy student or what.
On the sixth hand what kind of example does THAT establish, running from the question of whether or not it's me or the system that doesn't work? Don't I owe it to myself to work through this? If I have some kind of disability, fine, if I don't, stop whining about it.
On the seventh hand, maybe the past is the past, and I should just accept that I'm not college material and continue to do what I've been doing, what ever that could be called...
On the eighth hand, if I give up on my career and stagnate at the current place I'm at, I'm very economically vulnerable. Only fierce determination has kept me employed all these years - if I slack off then my whole family is vulnerable to poverty. I must keep myself moving forward professionally, because the moment I stop I will be overrun by the young bucks who just entered the business, and I might never recover.
Sigh. I've got as many hands as Kali, and I feel just about as sane. Would somebody please send me a winning multimilliondollar lottery ticket so I can just retire? Thanks...
Posted by Albatross at June 14, 2006 9:07 PM | TrackBack