The Aerie
It's been 'so far so good' on the parenting-teens front. We're a year-and-a-half in with teens, and really they're a lot of fun. We have had disagreements and challenges, like getting them up to speed on chores and into bed on time, but nothing dreadfully difficult.
And our reward for these efforts has been a couple of really great people. Smart, funny, charming, and interesting.
My boy has really bloomed over the past few months. I don't want to get into the details too deeply because I don't feel comfortable 'telling tales out of school' about our discussions, but I feel okay about describing their character and outcomes in broad terms.
Since entering high school he has seemed to come into himself somehow - not necessarily in any obvious way, but more in a kind of confidence and self assurance - a 'young man' rather than a big kid. He is always ready to offer a thought or an insight, and his ideas an notions are complex and fascinating. He's also really funny, very quick to assemble a joke out of even the most boring constituent elements.
He's introspective and somewhat reserved, so I'm always delighted when I discover some new hidden depth to him. He'll mention something that has been on his mind, and he'll surprise me with his depth of knowledge and the strength of his opinions. And I'm never disappointed in what he has to say - his thoughts show an understanding of many of ilfe's complexities.
We recently had a discussion about high school and how to approach various aspects of it, and he really responded excellently. And he recently faced a challenging personal test of character, and breezed through it with the kind of self-assurance and confidence that goes a long way towards relieving the worries of an anxious parent. He makes me very proud.
My daughter continues to delight and surprise as well. She recently voiced some profound insights about herself, and her self-clarity really surprised me. A lot of adults I know muddle along out of touch with themselves and their personal qualities their entire lives, but she sees herself very clearly.
I've also enjoyed her growing circle of friends. Our neighborhood had only one girl of her age, and the two of them just weren't in synch with each other - but now that she's getting older my daughter has made many friends from more distant neighborhoods. It's very rewarding to see her with so many good friends now.
She has numerous interests, including art, the Sims video game, DDR, and theater, as well as a determination to maintain high scholastic standards, and sometimes I think she lets herself get overtaxed. But of course I'm quite proud of her.
And then there's our youngest - he's not yet a teen, but I'm looking forward to it. Right now he's overcoming the adjustment from grade school to middle school and starting to learn how to manage his time and his studies. And he's in a place where his interests hold all his attention - video games, manga books, Hayao Miyazaki movies. Where the other two are blooming, much to my delight, he remains on the cusp, conveying the sense that the world had better watch out for the person he soon will become.
Then there's the interrelationship of the three to each other and to their parents. Our youngest has the usual relationship with his older brother - hero worship warring with annoyance. And he and our daughter have a special bond that's frankly heartwarming. And the twins relate to each other with a mix of respect and individuation that must be uniquely twinnish. There's a little rivalry, but not a lot - we've worked hard as parents to avoid comparing the kids to each other.
Instead of being a time of clashes and frustration, the teen years have so far been better every day - knock wood! I don't know what the future will bring, but I treasure my time with them these days. It's so hard to realize that the twins are only 3.5 years from potentially moving out on their own. Where did the time go? Sigh.
Sometimes it's easy to forget that you might be living throught the best times of your life. But I try to keep in mind that these years are special and brief. Too soon these kids will grow up and go off and have the adventures of their lives. Their parents will be back home, important but separate, influential but balanced against other interests and opinions. It will be lonely for a while.
But on the upside... GRANDKIDS!
Posted by Albatross at January 12, 2006 2:21 PM | TrackBack