The Aerie
Time to get out the scraper and scour the inside of my skull of these
random thoughts that keep building up like plaque on an artery wall...
Wegman
[wegman-william-dog-walker-2803637.jpg] You have to admire [1]William
Wegman. Well, you either have to admire him or baste him in Chuck
Wagon dog-food gravy and toss him into a studio full of his own
models. I mean, does the world need any additional evidence of a pact
with the Devil than this one-trick pony?
[scan25.jpg] Wegman does ONE thing, and one thing alone -- he dresses
dogs up in human clothing. And not just any dogs, only a FEW dogs, and
all of them Weimaraners from a single family. Why? Why does this work?
How is he able to make a living off of what in any other person would
be considered a very particular fetish?
No, not since Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett has there been better
evidence of a soul sold to Satan...
Yu-Gi-Oh
[wallpaper5.jpg] Okay, okay, Saturday morning cartoons ARE a vast
wasteland, granted. Most of the programs are thinly-disguised toy
commercials, interrupted periodically by commercials for sugar-coated
cereals based on the toy, with a free toy inside.
Now, all that acknowledged, the whole trend of programs that started
with the dread "Pokemon" seems to be hitting the gutter with this
thing called "Yu-Gi-Oh." If you haven't seen it, you've got this
little weiner who runs around with three friends, and they all battle
this villain who looks like Don Johnson from Miami vice. The Weiner,
whose name is Yu-Gi-Oh for no discernable reason, wears an large,
metallic, upside-down pyramid on his chest. Periodically the pyramid
somehow forces the weiner straight through his adolescence and he
becomes a grown up little weiner, which is only discernable because
his voice becomes deeper. No muscles. No facial hair growth. He
doesn't even get taller. He just gets a deeper voice.
It's the Scooby Doo of its generation. Twenty years from now a single
thin slice of the population will wax nostalgic over this show, and
bring in Michael J. Fox to star in the live-action version, and the
rest of the population will look at each other and say "What's the
point of this?" But I would argue that Yu-Gi-Oh is worse than Scooby
Doo.
Feature Scooby Doo Yu-Gi-Oh
Ridiculous Name Yes Yes
Repetitive Plot Yes Yes
Lousy Art Hanna-Barbera Manga
Action Sort of None
Product Tie-in No Yes
AH! And HERE we see the difference. Where Scooby-Doo and Yu-Gi-Oh
diverge is that Scooby-Doo had less product tie-ins at the time it was
first aired. This has of course been rectified following the launch of
last summer's Iraqi-anti-aircraft-missile (launches poorly, climbs
slowly, hits nothing, crashes, burns, and draws retaliatory fire) of a
feature length Scooby-Doo movie.
But where I'll defend Scooby Doo over this drek (and believe me, this
hurts) is that Scooby Doo at least featured people doing something.
Something ridiculous? Sure. Implausible? Of course. But at least
running down a long hallway past the same repeated
end-table-and-picture decoration involves running. Yu-Gi-Oh, if you've
never seen it, is an animated show in which people play cards, while
other people watch the card players. There are animated monsters that
run around, but they're restricted to an electronic playing surface.
And occasionally the little Weiner grows up, wins, and then returns to
being a child again.
But that's it. Two people play cards and make grandiose threats at
each other: three or four other people watch the card players, weeping
or making encouraging noises.
That's it.
The only characters more inert than those pictured in Yu-Gi-Oh are my
kids, seated slack-jawed in front of the tube. Why do I let them watch
this drek? If you're not a parent then let me clue you into something:
it's not like the parents are in control here. You're going to stop
them? Okay, man, okay: you turn off the TV, forbid Yu-Gi-Oh, and are
faced with three rabid cathode addicts. What are you going to do with
them, or get them to do, for the rest of the time that the show is
airing? Remember: three of them, one of you.
You're not going to get them all to do chores. You may get ONE of them
to do chores, but while you do so, the other two will go turn on the
TV again. You could throw out the TV: they'll go watch at the
neighbor's house. But I know, if you don't have kids, you're thinking
"Well, if -I- were their parent, I'd..."
Believe me: you're wrong. You have to choose your battles, and this is
one you would lose, one way or another...
Blocking doors with chairs
[prod_MM_CIN_main.jpg] There are TWO commericals in circulation these
days that feature a door, blocked by a chair wedged under the
doorknob. One is a commercial for Cinnamon Chex, and the other I can't
recall right now. Here's what's notable about both of them:
In both cases, the doors open outwards.
It's such a small thing... But doesn't ANYONE on the set point at the
shot and say "Won't the door just open out, and the chair will fall on
the floor?" And not just in one commercial, but in BOTH? (Yes, if I
can remember the second one I'll replace it in here.)
Yes, I know, these aren't big, world-shaking issues. But they ARE
niggling little things crusted on the inside of my brain. And now
they're in yours, so there you are. Need a scraper?
[2]Last
Posted by Albatross at September 16, 2002 12:00 AM